Forgiven
by Kanna37
Summary: Songfic. Kagome tries to give Inuyasha and Kikyou another chance to be together, but since the well has closed, she's trapped in the past. She decides its time to fight her own battles, he can't save her anymore.


**Forgiven**

Disclaimer: Do not own Inuyasha and company all rights go to Takahashi Rumiko, Do not own this song, all rights go to Within Temptation.

-zZz-

Couldn't save you from the start

Love you so it hurts my soul

Can you forgive me for trying again

Your silence makes me hold my breath

Time has passed you by

Kagome sat underneath the Goshinboku, knees to her chest, and head resting on her knees. It was early evening on a day in late spring, normally her favorite time of year, but now, she was alone. Completely, totally alone. Naraku had been defeated, and the well had closed - trapping her here, five centuries away from her family.

Sango and Miroku had been married yesterday, and she was happy for them, she really was. Shippo was staying with them - he needed a family, not one single, lone girl whose future was now out of reach.

As for Inuyasha? Well, he had Kikyou. While it was true that she was not of the living, and so they could never have a normal life together, nonetheless, he spent most of his time with her. Kagome had done all she could for him, healed his heart as much as he would allow.

But he no longer needed her.

Kaede had offered her a home but, this being the closest thing that both Inuyasha and Kikyou had to a home of their own, she felt it would be too awkward to stay.

And painful, at least for her.

So, now she had to somehow find a place for herself in a world she hadn't been born into and knew little of. She had learned some things, and would probably have as good a chance to survive here as anyone else, but still - it was frightening.

It was getting to be time, soon she would have to leave. Tomorrow. Her mind was made up - when Inuyasha went off into the forest to see Kikyou, she would go.

Since he always spent most of the day there, she would have several hours to get away. She had even found a way to hide her scent, mostly anyway. She knew that he would not approve of what she was going to do - he felt responsible for her. But she could not stay here, a thorn in the hanyou's and Miko's sides. It wasn't right. They deserved as much happiness as they could have, and she would shield them from the last effect of Naraku's betrayal of them.

She herself.

If it hadn't been for him, and the horrible thing he had done to the two of them, she wouldn't be here now. So she would free them from that, no matter the cost to herself. It was the least she could do - in this way, she would honor the love she held for Inuyasha. She would give them freedom, and forgiveness.

Oh, for so long I've tried to shield you from the world

Oh, you couldn't face the freedom on your own

Here I am left in silence

The next morning, Inuyasha woke and looked across the floor of Kaede's hut. Kagome was still sleeping - good. It made it easier to go when he didn't have to see her eyes. He knew what she thought, what they all thought, and even though they were wrong, he couldn't say anything. Not yet. He still had a promise to fulfill. Since he had failed at one promise, he wouldn't fail at this one.

He couldn't.

Kikyou only had so much time left. Kagome and he had their whole lives. So, taking one last glance at the lovely, warm-hearted girl lying there in innocence, he left, not realizing that she would not be there to greet him in the evening as he had come to expect.

Kagome opened her eyes, knowing the instant that he left the hut. Kaede was not there, she had left in the early morning to attend to a birthing, and had not returned. This was her best chance to get away. Grabbing her faithful yellow bag, and slipping her bow and her quiver over her shoulder, she took one last look around and, wiping the tears from her face, she left the hut and went out into the wide world, looking to find a place for one young Miko from another time.

She knew it would be a battle - but it was her battle, this time, it wasn't his to fight, and he couldn't protect her anymore.

You gave up the fight

You left me behind

All that's done's forgiven

You'll always be mine

I know deep inside

All that's done's forgiven

She had learned much in the time that they had traveled in search of the jewel. So, now she put every bit of that knowledge to good use. Instead of taking the road, where she could be easily tracked, and would also be more vulnerable, she followed the forest, hugging the river and keeping out of sight. She used pungent natural herbs to help disguise her scent. And she used the terrain to her advantage, walking on uphill slopes, and running on the downhill. She prepared food early in the mornings, and made enough for the whole day, so she could keep walking while she ate. And she made sure to scatter all traces of her camp before she set out each day.

Each of those things gave her that much more of a chance of getting away undetected. So far, she had been on the road for six days, and had yet to see a single soul. She preferred it that way. She wasn't ready to share her pain, and maybe she never would be.

I watched the clouds drifting away

Still the sun can't warm my face

I know it was destined to go wrong

You were looking for the great escape

To chase your demons away

Apparently, she had done well. It had been three months, and no one had found her.

Of course, maybe no one had looked. But whatever the reason, she was content where she was. It was the most she could hope for. Sure, she was free; however, as she had found, sometimes the price for freedom was more than you really wanted to pay. But she hadn't done it for herself, and maybe, because of that, she could be forgiven for breaking her promise to stay with Inuyasha.

Her home was a cave, deep, deep in the mountains - very few people traveled through, and even the youkai here had learned to leave her in peace. She had much time to meditate and think, and her reiki had certainly flourished for all that. It was enough to keep her safe. She never could have envisaged such a life for herself; the Kami had given her a deep burden to bear, but she was determined that she would do so with grace.

Oh, for so long I've tried to shield you from the world

Oh, you couldn't face the freedom on your own

And here I am left in silence

Silence.

It lived inside her, and it lived outside her as well. It had been almost a year now, and she had not spoken to a single living being. She was changing. Deep inside, her soul was fighting for its life. She hadn't ever known such loneliness, and the pure heart of the Miko was beginning to bleed. She needed people, but she also feared them.

She was a young woman alone in the Sengoku Jidai, and it was not safe to let anyone see how vulnerable she really was, since she had no protection but her own. More and more, she would live in her memories, trying to touch those she loved, even if only in her dreams.

All except Inuyasha.

Him, she left alone, even _in_ her dreams, for he belonged to someone else, and she would not take him from her, even there. Still, she loved him, and hoped that he was happy, wherever he was.

You gave up the fight

You left me behind

All that's done's forgiven

You'll always be mine

I know deep inside

All that's done's forgiven

If she had only known. Why did she run? Inuyasha knew she hurt, every time he walked away, he could feel her pain, but hadn't she known it was only temporary? She had promised to stay by him - and then she had left. He had found her note that horrible day, and he couldn't believe the pain and fear that had filled him.

He had been a fool.

Instead of telling her, he had just expected her to know, and now he was paying for that mistake.

If only she had waited one more month. Kikyou had faded away, and as promised, he was there to hold her when she went. It had hurt, in a distant, tired sort of way. But it was nothing compared to the fear and pain that Kagome's disappearance had caused. When he had realized she was gone, he had almost broken his promise to Kikyou again, and gone in search of her. But instead, his friends had convinced him to let them look, and stay and fulfill his promise.

Because of that, she was still gone.

And his soul was lost in a wilderness, crying out with its loss.

I've been so lost since you've gone

Why not me before you?

Why did fate deceive me?

Everything turned out so wrong

Why did you leave me in silence?

Weary, cold, and heartsick, a young Inu-hanyou walked hunched over, wandering aimlessly, following his vow to find the woman who was his heart and soul. How long had it been? Fourteen months of suffering, of feeling like a dead man inside. He could now understand how Kikyou had felt, and he was glad that she was finally free of that.

Fate... the great deceiver, it had given him love twice, and taken it from him twice, giving him no chance to grasp it.

He looked around - where was he?

He didn't know, and didn't really care. He was in some mountains, somewhere. Maybe he could find a cave to curl up in, at least it would be shelter. He was afraid he was delirious, he hadn't cared for himself for so long that even his hanyou strength was going to give out. But he couldn't stop searching. He had to find her - he _had _to.

And then, something called to him, deep in the stillness of the night, he heard a voice, and followed it, it was _her_, her scent, her voice, calling to him; he feared he had lost himself in his own mind. And sinking to his knees, he fell forward, letting his mind follow the voice 'til the blackness swallowed him up.

_Kagome!_

You gave up the fight

You left me behind

All that's done's forgiven

You'll always be mine

I know deep inside

All that's done's forgiven

It was him.

She knew, as soon as she heard his voice, weak and rough as it was. Running to the front of her cave, she found him, lying on his stomach, looking torn and dirty. She rolled him over, and cried at his beautiful face so ravaged by pain and suffering. Bringing water, she quickly washed him while looking for injuries, trying to heal every hurt she could see, and wondered how he had come to be there, and why he was alone, no Kikyou in sight.

As she bathed his face with gentle fingers, he opened his eyes - those wonderful, deeply golden eyes of his, and tears ran down his cheeks at the sight of her. He thought she was a figment of his fevered imagination... until her tears landed on his cheek. And suddenly, he felt some strength return, and he sat up and reached for her, holding her to him with desperation and a refusal to _ever_ let her go in this lifetime again.

But she pulled away, and asked him that question, the same one she had asked so many times before.

"Where's Kikyou?"

_This_ time, however, he could give her the answer she had been waiting forever to hear. "Gone. I'm finally free to be with _you_, where I've always wanted to be."

And surrounded by stars that seemed so close you could touch them, he told her of Kikyou's last days, and of his promise to her, why he had gone to her everyday. Then, when all the words to do with Kikyou were done, he told her of his love for _her, _Kagome, and his vow to find her, even if it took forever. He told her that she would never be allowed to leave him behind again, that everything that had passed before was forgiven, and in the past.

Now... with the past laid to rest, only the _future_ remained.

_Their_ future.

-zZz-

A/N: Another edited story - boy, I'm on a roll! I'm getting all my old stuff polished up and prettified...

Amber


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